On Toxic Relationships

A Toxic Relationship

One thing I have really been struggling with this year is that I have one relationship in my life that is a very toxic one.  I have come to realize that I don’t feel safe in the relationship.  This feeling of a lack of safety is on an emotional level.  I am not worried about my physical safety.

The relationship is between me and a family member.  It feels more complicated than it otherwise might.  I, like many other people, have deeply embedded programming when it comes to family relationships.  It took me a long time to even realize that what has been happening in this relationship is not OK.

I have agonized over what to do with this information and how to handle the situation.  One piece of advice I have received is to cut ties and no longer have this person in my life.  I’m not there yet, as I still feel a sense of obligation to maintain the relationship.

Strategies That Have Worked

One thing I did recently that I found helpful was to write out a list of boundaries for the relationship.  I did not feel able to sit down and go over the full list of boundaries.  However, stating them clearly, if only for myself, has helped me talk about them and enforce them when they are crossed.

I recently explained to a friend that I would never allow such treatment in any other relationship in my life.  He asked, “What are you feeling guilty about in the relationship?”  I spent some time journaling to find the answer, and I came up with a list of about 5 or 6 things.

I discovered one thing from a few years back where I had not been in the level of integrity that I wanted.  I did some forgiveness work for myself around that situation.

Most of the other things were about things they had done for me.  I released the guilt around those things.  I feel like those are things family members do for each other out of love.  Any guilt felt over those things should be released.

The final list item was that they are lonely and life is hard for them right now.I released that guilt, too; it is not mine to carry.

The Current Situation and an Aha Moment

Today I felt weird because I needed to reach out to my uncle to get information about this family member.  I was feeling weird and a little guilty about reaching out to my uncle because we don’t have a close relationship.  I realized that I wasn’t committed to deepening the relationship right now.  That felt very painful, too.  I fell into the trap of judging myself, and I felt even more guilt.

That’s when I came up with my aha moment for today.  It still feels very tender.  I discovered a subconscious belief that has been causing me pain.  The belief was: Family relationships should be deep and close.  If they’re not, that means that there is something wrong with me.

I was able to look at this subconscious belief in my conscious awareness and reject it.  I feel this belief runs rampant in our society.  I also came up with several other beliefs along the same lines.

Theta Healing Work

I came up with some clearing statements, most of them using Theta healing work, to start shifting these beliefs.  If you would like to start shifting these beliefs, simply say “Yes” aloud to each statement that you would like cleared.

I forgive myself for having shallow relationships.

Change what prevents me:
From having relationships at the level I want to have them.

Change what obligates me:
To believe that family relationships should be deep & close.
To believe that’s something wrong with me.
To believe that there’s something wrong with me because I was unable to navigate a toxic relationship.
To believe that I am weak because I am unable to navigate toxic relationships.
To tolerate toxic relationships.
To believe that having a relationship is inherently better than not having a relationship.

Remove the free-floating memories from the original event:
Believing that family relationships should be deep & close, & if they’re not, then there is something wrong with me.

I destroy and uncreate across all time, space, dimension, and reality:

Everywhere where I have felt there’s something wrong with me.

So, What’s Next? 

Theta healing works on a subconscious level.  The best way to utilize this work is to reinforce it.  If you notice old, unhelpful beliefs coming up, allow yourself to notice them and release them. 

I like to create affirmations to replace the beliefs that I am shifting.  One example might be: I welcome different levels of relationships in my life.  

If you would like to make a connection or would like more information on Theta healing or to schedule a session, please email me at michelle@soulfullintegration.com

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